Little Music Box of Thoughts

Two days ago, I’ve been given a "wake up" call when a man whom we all love, a man that we affectionately called, Papa, was admitted to the hospital.

The shockingly rude news came when Papa rang me to check him into the hospital. At that moment, my world seems to be clouded with all sort of worries, all sorts of "what ifs". And it suddenly occured to me, is that some sort of horrible "you’ve been punked" act to remind me for not celebrating Father’s Day last weekend? For not expressing how much I’ve love Papa, for how much I’ve appreciated his sacrifices?

Throughout his hospital stay, I’ve tried to stay by his side, just in case he collapsed. Just in case his episode starts again, accompanying him to his MRIs, EKGs and blood test. At one point, I was told by the nurse to wheel my dad for the X-Ray and I realized, I felt like a 4 year old trying to control the shopping trolley. My dad was heavy, and I couldn’t control the wheelchair he is in. My heart sank. Suddenly, the worst "what ifs" hit me in the face. What if my dad is old and couldn’t walk anymore. I can’t even manoeuver his wheelchair what more clean him up and change him. Would this then be my ever so loyal mum’s everyday routine.

One thing I know, Papa is turning fragile, he’s now officially old. And as selfish as it may sound, I’m not ready to be responsible yet. I’m not ready to be the one to tell Nicole (my youngest sis), "Don’t worry, I’ll work out the money for your school fees tomorrow".

Throughout his hospital stay, friends and colleagues came for a visit. Even the a colleague who rarely make hospital visits came to check on Papa. And I realized, Papa is not only a man that the family loves, he’s loved by his colleagues. And if his students know, they would be there as well.

During his stay and the endless visits from his colleagues, I’ve seen the other side of Papa, the side where I see Papa through the eyes of his colleagues, the people he spent the most time with. I found out that Papa loves his badminton game and he’s real good at it. He has to quit because of his tennis elbow and he has to let go one of his passions in life.

He has to give up his other passion, eating. He loves food. All his colleagues tease him about his "alfa fa diet". He even joked about checking himself into the monastery to lead the life os a monk since he has to let go of his life’s biggest passion.

When Mr S came for a visit, he brought along the most mind provoking thoughts. He too, like Papa, has 3 girls. He said his girls told him this, "Daddy, you have to stay healthy for us, you are our pillar of strength." He then said, "I bet your Daddy is your pillar of strength too, ain’t it, darling,". I just nodded in embarassment and made a quick exit to the restroom, afraid that I could contain myself no more.

Yes, Papa is no superhero with exceptional superpower but he’s my pillar of strength physically and emotionally. He’s everyone’s pillar of strength. So, Papa, please get well soon. We need you more than you can imagine.

Lately, I feel like I’m a little lost. Kinda like flying around without my radar with no directions. Not only I’ve lost my direction, I’ve seem to not know who am I. Who is Joanne Oo in this world?

And I would really appreciate it if you pals, non-pals, colleagues, ex-colleagues, family, I would really wanna who is Joanne Oo to you? All positive and negative feedbacks are most welcomed. But seriously, don’t say things that are mean, ok? Constructive feedbacks are most welcomed. Keyword is "Constructive", mind you.

So, start typing before Joanne Oo is lost, forever…

While I’m typeing this entry, I’m in the comforts of a really huge and expensive villa set with jacuzzi, Nintendo Wii, absolutely fabulous broadband service and access to the gym and pool. Just so you know, no, I’ve not hit the jackpot yet.

Recently, I’ve been making career decisions. I’ve never understood how can one really love their job. Now that I’ve left In2, I’m beginning to miss every second of it. But when I was there, I didn’t have the same outlook. It’s not like  I hate the job or anything like that but the job took a toll on me in terms of health. Now that I’m in this new company for 7 months, I still don’t know if it’s what I really want. Everything I do seems so wrong sometimes but it’s not entirely wrong. The people that makes up the company seems like a devil in disguise sometimes but sometimes the human side of them appears too.

How do you determine whether you like the job or not? How do you get your colleagues to love you? How do you get things done the way your bosses want it to? I’m no mind-reader…how do you guess it "right"?

Ok, enough of the ramblings. I guess I just need my does of Grey’s and OTH now. Anyone finished the latest season yet?

Love is in the air…

Twas Valentine’s Day. Reservations are ringing of the hook, last minute shopping madness is evident, flowers, chocolates, stuffed bears of all sorts are selling like hot cakes. Not to mention, Chinese New Year is just around the corner, you might see some aunties (like my mom) being sandwiched in the sea of neverending crowds.

People at work have started receiving flowers since last week. Some smart buggers trying to impress girls by sending flowers the day before Valentine’s. Cheaper what!

Quoting most of my level-headed friends, "Wah, RM400 per bouquet, better give me the money for shopping la!". As logical as it sounds, it’s sad to see that vendors are taking opportunity to hike up the price, sky high. Valentine’s Day became overrated.

But still it puts a smile on my face when I came back to a very happy "Valentine-ed" sister (Monster Mike, we call her, don’t even ask why). A very nice school mate staying in the neighbourhood, gave her cotton candy for Valentine’s. She even wants to share her Valentine’s candy with me. The innocence in MM clearly reflects what Valentine’s means to her. It’s not a day, only for lovers. It’s also for friends and family.

My wish list for Valentine’s? I want to get into Darling Dearest’s thoughts, mind. Half the time, it was really frustrating not being able to understand what’s playing in his head despite our 5 years of journey together. So, this year, I’m not wishing for flowers or chocolates or stuffed bears. I just want to know you better and love you all over again. Perhaps this time even much more than the last. This I vow.

P/s: To my bro, Weng Yi, congrats on your marriage. I trust that you would make a great family man! A toast to always and forever…

I was able to catch up with Glenda last Friday at Decanter. My dear, it was so wonderful to hang out with you and I had a great time. Talking to you made me realize how much I miss all the buzz back at In2. The team spirit that has always been at In2 is unquestionable. I know that despite everyone’s busy schedule, no one’s selfish because everyone backs everyone up and the support will never be overlooked.

I know you could not always get what you wish for. But all the negative energy at the new place makes me feel like I want to give up. Group polarization and gossips are so yesterday. Why can’t we just unite and get on with work and life? It’s so LOW that you have to corner off a gang and shoo off others who tries to blend in. And this is coming from a senior executive, whose way older from me, shame on you.

And worst of all, I’ve been the subject of untrue gossip. Come on people, let’s do something much more constructive than to mulut laser about other people. Just because I get on well with one of your subordinate doesn’t mean a thing at all coz I can also get on well with your other subordinates. Are you afraid that they like me better than you? Well, that’s because I do my job well, so just f*** off! This has never happened in my dealing with my promoter boys at my last job. Be professional. Don’t punch below the belt just to humor yourself and others.

Also, don’t judge the others just because they are a little different. So what if they have different taste in fashion. They might dress and talk differently but I think you should look at yourself before jabbing mean comments about other people. Wake up and smell the coffee! Discrimination is SO LAST CENTURY!

I hope if anyone from the new place is reading this will be enlightened. A change in perception is seriously needed. We need a positive working environment in order to be productive. I hope my unbiased views will help make the place a more comfortable place to be.

Ok, ok…so i know it’s way past new year but hey, it’s still not way too late. So here goes the rest of the list:

6. Start spending on practical clothes. Clear out old crappy clothes. Hope my new job here and my connections would be able to hook me up with some really rocking cool clothes!(Henry & Violet, if you are reading, hope you took the hint!!!)

7. Up my Sudoku game. Damn, i’m good at it and i rock at it…even had it hooked up on my significant half’s PSP. Now, how cool is that?

8. Learn a new language. I’m thinking Spanish. What say you, senor & senorita??

9. Get around to redecorating my room. Arrghhh, that clashes with resolution no.4, I’ll just spend more money then. Crap!

10. Not be mean at Nicole ot Lynette. It’s just that, bullying you sis keeps me tickling!!! Appreciate mum and dad more. I sorry if I took you guys for granted. Be a better gf to my dear one. These are definately something I should improve on. I love you guys very very much.

So, there you go. My top 10 list. Hello 2007 and a better (& skinnier) me!

So, the new year is around the corner. A new resolution is a must or else life would be less meaningless and pointless without a direction. So here goes:

1. Follow a strict diet, start my Herbalife, cut down on: beef and fries, chili pan mee (1 bowl per visit), 3 bites of anything super sugary (like candy floss and marshmallow), SR cakes and a whole long list.

(Damn! I’ll trade my bf for this mean machine!)

2. Start exercising. Yoga, pilates, dance, whatever it takes to lose the flab.

3. Sleep more and worry less…I’m such a worry pot!

4. Save up and pay off all debts. Hardly possible but hey, nothing’s impossible.

5. Stop playing puzzle bubble in the dark.

to be continued…

My latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy deals with forgiveness. A surgical intern accidentally hits a car, a family, mum, dad, a pregnant daughter and her husband in the load. Because of overworking, tiredness took control of the surgeon’s wheels.

A surgeon’s role is to save lives. Not take them away. So, this pregnant daughter obviously did not survive. And the surgeon wanted to apologize to the family. The father who at the beginning threatened to beat up the surgeon for landing his whole family in the hospital walked over to the surgeon’s room and gave him a pat while he kept on apologizing.

So, are you that forgiving? Do you forgive someone who took away the life of the one person that you have learned to love ever since ever? Apparently, George, moved  by this kind gesture, forgived Meredith too. For crying during sex, that is.

But in the end, come to think of it, would you forgive and forget? 

I was on my daily dose of Grey’s Anatomy again today. As usual, in my fricking comfortable sweatpants, I sat in my dad’s emperor’s chair (he likes to be known as the emperor at home, haha!) and watched the 19th episode of Season 2.

(Grey’s Anatomy Cast)

In this episode Meredith finally sleeps with, no, not McDreamy or McSteamy for the matter. It’s George! That lucky lad with puppy eyes. He scored, well almost scored.                                                                    

(Dr McDreamy, looking dreamy as usual)

Mid scene, Meredith started crying while he was just getting into action. Not because he was hurting her or anything like that. She assures her that she’s ok and wants George to get what he wants. Saying that, George was dumbfounded. She explained that she didn’t know that she doesn’t want it. She didn’t want to ruin her friendship, this thing, this relationship that he has with George. He walked out and slammed the door.

But crying the middle of sex? Seriously, how much phobia can you install into a guy’s ego? So, guys, when the waterworks starts, right when the action is starting, what would you do? Do you walk out all angry? Do you continue what you are doing? Would you even be in the mood of doing it?

This can be a hypothetical question. I know some are more reserved in their thoughts. But really, I want to know what all parties have to say.

Grey’s Anatomy is my favourite TV show now. It’s starting to turn into “my thing”. I’ve always had a liking for medical shows, earliest of ER or Chicago’s Hope. So, how does this relate to entry this time around. Sit back and listen.

I guess everyone knows by now that I’ve left my previous company to do some soul searching now. And every now and then, I get a friend (or maybe just someone who likes a little gossip to share about Joanne) asking if I’ve found my “soul”. And every single time, I have the same old shrug and say, “I’m enjoying life as it is”.

The thing is, I love TV series. Watching them, even listening to them while I eat my cereals and reading the morning’s papers. I do “reruns nite” very often too particularly for Sex & the City.

As you would have guess, my main activity being at home now and my bf, my only active social contact, being away in mystical India for one month, TV became my best friend.

As I was saying, Grey’s anatomy has been on my “must-watch-list” for the past few days. In season 2, episode 5, Dr Grey Senior said that life as an adult is like riding on a carousel. It just keeps spinning and that’s how life is. You have to go on and on and on. Well, obviously, the moment you stop is the moment where your life ends.

And here I thought, she is actually implying that being an adult comes responsibility. It’s funny because today, I commented in my dad’s face that his hair is turning all grey. And he replied, that he would really appreciate it if I could start taking over the family’s expenses so that he could retire.

And that’s not even the funny part. He had always wanted me to further my studies coz he thinks that it would be “kacang” for me. I might be able to multitask listening to TV conversations, doing sudoku and eating my cereals all at one time but working and studying at the same time, I just have no discipline for it.

So, where am I going with all these ranting at 3am in the morning? I guess someone had to hit the emergency button on the carousel so that for once in my life, I can just stop before I realize everything is just moving to fast for me. I need to get a perspective of my life. Not just jump into every single damn attractive opportunity that I have.

As for friends/plain gossipers/concerned relative, you can now refrain from asking me if I got a job or have started studying. You’ll eventually know if I continued studies and you’ll hear it from me. Or if I got a job, you’ll get my card and my brand new email address. So stop asking coz it’s irritating.